What is a man? Is it someone who is over 16 and can drive? 18 and can go to war? 21 and can drink?  Someone who’s married? ...Or is it something else?  I was raised by a single mother. She did a great job of raising three boys by herself, for the most part. But I’m not sure I really ever knew what it takes to be a man?

I recently came across this quote in Wild at Heart by John Eldridge that says, “You can tell what kind of man you’ve got simply by noting the impact he has on you.”  So, what am I supposed to do with that?!? I only remember a few men who had any impact on me and, at times, what they taught me was questionable:

• Keep your trash in your own back yard, don’t share.
• If you get into a fight, bite the mans ear off.  Then he has a choice to make—continue fighting or go to the hospital.
• Don’t get hooked on what you are selling.

While those lessons have stayed with me, they were more “quotes” than life-lessons. On the other hand, there were two real men, Christian men, that taught me many life-lessons, but I can’t remember one single quote from either.

These men were my grandfather, Forrest Lee Friend, and my youth minister, Arthur Vincent Law.   My grandfather—Mr. Friend to many—modeled manhood for me. He taught me to be respectful, to work hard at what you want, and to take care of family, no matter what.

• Throughout my life, my grandfather moved many family members into his 3 bedroom townhouse to live (or, at times, die with dignity). We ate on the front steps or on the patio for awhile because my great uncle Jim needed a place to be cared for until he died.  He couldn’t get up the stairs, so the dinning room became his bedroom.
• That said, my grandfather could also become very. . . lets say, serious (some would say mean).  He was there to get a job done, and if you were not a part of the solution, you were part of the problem.  He had no problem telling you so! He fought in WWII, lived through the Great Depression, and shoveled coal for a living…enough said.

The second half of my “father-figure” was Arthur Vincent Law. 

• While he was my youth minister, he was ALSO an ex-gang member & drug dealer. The first time he went into a church, he took his gun. This man was wild—and I loved every second of being with him.
• He taught every week at youth group and I never missed a service.  But I don’t remember a single sermon he preached. What I learned was that he loved me—tough love (when I needed it), uncompromising love, and a love that also pointed me toward Jesus—a love that would not let me fail.

Now, when I was looking for role models it never crossed my mind to look for someone who was safe. I was attracted to edgy men. Men like Jesus…the REAL Jesus—not the blonde-haired, blue-eyed, “well-medicated” man who we see in pictures! A man who’s hands were still rough from being a carpenter. A man who liked to fish & cook on the beach.  A man who was not afraid to say what needed to be said to anyone, including people who could have him killed. Yet, also a man who cared more about people than his reputation.

We want Jesus to just be safe, and that is how most churches paint the picture of him.  But Jesus was wild and passionate, bold and confrontational. At the same time, he was loving and sacrificial…but he was probably very far from “safe.”

“Safe?  Who said anything about safe?  ‘Course he’s not safe.  But he’s good.”  -C.S. Lewis